Wednesday, May 31, 2006


I have a swallow infestation. Specifically a barn swallow infestation. Bird enthusiast the country wide hope this will happen to them. I, however, am no bird enthusiast. So I started doing some research on removing the nest under the eave of my back porch. Turns out that the little critters are A) protected and B) tenacious. Poisoning them is the only real means of ridding yourself of a family and the government frowns on that. My next most viable option is to take the nest down between egg-laying seasons and continue to keep them from building another one. So I tore down nest number one on Memorial Day. And wouldn't you know it, they are already constructing nest #2 on the site of the old nest (after hours of frantically searching for and and mourning over the loss of the first nest). I didn't know this but more than one barn swallow family will share the same nest - like a bird timeshare. Which means that technically I have a resort property on - if only there was a way of charging the little buggers rent.

As it is, I have to live with poop on the patio, birds divebombing the dog in the back yard, and a flurry of sqawking and threats when I try to fire up the grill. This shit will not do. There's an outfit which will humanely remove them from your house (but I'm sure they'll remember where they built their nest and return in a week.) There's another outfit that constructs little swallow condos so you can encourage them to nest at the far end of the yard, etc. Me? I just want 'em somewhere else.

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