Wednesday, November 29, 2006

My Christmas list - an open letter to Santa, etc.

Dear Santa.

I'm feeling very overburdened with the impending doom of the planet from various ills and nastiness. That in mind, I'm going to ask you to forgo the typical christmas presents (a video iPod, some socks, a new battery for my old digital camera) and instead consider filling my stocking with more environmentally and socially conscious trinkets:

15 CFL lightbulbs (we'll worry about where to dump them when they burn out in 5 years)
A Noritz hot water heater (various sports talk show jockeys can't be wrong)
Anything Red, as worn by Jennifer Garner, Dakota Fanning, or, most importantly, Bono.
A used copy of the Inconvenient truth DVD
A bigger heart. (preferably more sympathetic, not merely enlarged)
A new bike.
A brisket smoker.

You're doing a hell of a job.


P.S. You'll be excited to know that my new fireplace is much less creosote-y than my old fireplace.


kjbassick said...

And the brisket smoker is in what way environmentally/social conscious?

Irene Done said...

Various sports talk show jockeys can be wrong. I've just spent 4 days pricing tankless water heaters and here's a funny thing: plumbers don't want to install them. At least, not in existing homes. And they will try to talk you out of it even before producing an estimate. But they're not Santa. I've no doubt you've been good enough that Santa will merrily rework your gas lines and vents, install the Noritz you deserve and even return in 6 months to de-lime it. Have fun!