Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Wising up

Long-time readers may remember that this time, last year, my son asked for "fruit snacks" for Christmas. And we happily obliged. And thus, the magic of Santa was bestowed on yet another hapless generation.

This year, he'd like a helmet (or, as the Santa at the Gaylord Texan got him to clarify, "a football helmet") Not one to disappoint, I went looking for a football helmet that'd fit a 3 year old.

I found one at Academy. But it presents a dilemma. It comes with a jersey, and it comes with one of these team logos: UT, A&M, Dallas Cowboys. God bless them, I'm not ready to inflict the wrath of the oft hated Aggie on the poor kid. And I get a funny feeling in my stomach dressing him up in silver and gold. Mostly because I'm worried he'll be doomed to a life of disappointment, not unlike my own, being raised in in the 80's in Eagles territory. I'd prefer to let him pick - and then suffer the consequences of picking - his own NFL team when he's old enough to make a decision of that magnitude for himself.

So I'm left with the Texas uniform. I like UT. It's in Austin, which is cooler than Dallas. Their colors are Orange and Orange - and my son likes orange and oranges. And he even knows how to configure his pinky and pointer finger in the prerequisite "Hook'em" gesture. But I worry that having a team on his helmet sets him up for or all kinds of questions I can't answer down here in the heart of football land. Namely, I can't come up with more than half a dozen UT football players' names (and of those, Ricky Williams is probably not ideal). And I'm going to have to iron a name on the back of the jersey - and it probably shouldn't be our last name. The Coppell cops frown on that kind of thing: kids giving up key personal information about themselves on their wardrobe. Right now, I'm down to Blalock and Ross.

This is the kind of dilemma we bandwagoon fans contend with (for instance, every time I go to a Dallas Cowboys game, I spend 3/4 of the game trying to figure out whose name I'd put on my jersey if I went through the trouble and expense of purchasing a jersey.) I work with a woman whose heart was broken when, three weeks after she bought herself a Quincy Carter jersey, he was released for a failed drug test. This morning, listening to the guys on the Ticket interviewing Jason Witten, I was thinking "Yeah. Witten. Sort of a dark horse. Tight end isn't your typical 'print-his-name-on-a-jersey' position, but what the hell." Romo would be such an obvious choice - but he could pull a Carter - the guy's only played 6 games, right? There's an argument for putting "E.Smith" on the back. Sort of indisputable. Or is it? And something about T.O. just seems bandwagon-y and strangely anti-Cowboys all at the same time.

It's actually probably the ultimate FU to go ahead and buy a Terrell Owens jersey. Or go out there and see if there's a Vanderjagt jersey left for sale, cheap.

But I digress. Right now I have to pick a UT player to commit to the immortality of a 3-year old's Christmas present.

Right. These are my struggles.


makethelogobigger said...

May I suggest something in a '94 Aikman or a vintage Staubach perhaps?

Jetpacks said...

Excellent sugestion, MTLB. You can't go wrong with Staubach, a God-man in Dallas. After you say his name, you're required to say "Peace Be Upon Him" or risk a Cowboys Fatwa being issued on your infidel ass.

A Chargers helmet is a safe bet. Fouts.

Or just confuse everyone and find a Canadian Football
to get behind.

Jetpacks said...

Come to think of it, Santa likely coerced the boy. He really wants a NASCAR helmet, James.

Irene Done said...

Well yes: you can never go wrong with Landry-era greats. Bob Lilly -- Mr. Cowboy to you and me -- would be the best choice there.

But don't underestimate the value of the simple, classic Longhorn helmet. Just because it comes with a jersey doesn't mean you have to give the jersey -- no need to confuse the boy with team AND player names. Or scar him for life with a Canadian team.

Think about it. The Horns: in your heart, you know it's right.

James-H said...

That's where I am. Let the horns soak into his consciousness, so one day he'll be gung-ho for in-state tuition.

J_Fox said...

Can't you paint the helmet like Evel Kneival's and continue the Halloween theme? Although Big E might sue.