Friday, January 05, 2007

the long metaphor home

Imagine you're the Gap.

(I recently went after the GAP as being sort of a sweatshop, etc. - Just want to clarify: in this instance, The Gap is a METAPHOR and not some kind of oblique attack on The GAP. I'll go after The Gap's throat when I want to go after the Gap. Got it? METAPHOR.)


As the Gap, you make a product called "sweatshirts."

A bunch of market feedback comes down the line that says: Gap sweatshirts SUCK. People are unhappy with the construction of these sweatshirts for many reasons - a major one being that the thread doesn't hold the damn thing together.

As the Gap, you decide to no longer market sweatshirts. Immediately you start engineering a product called "fleece" which will be the culmination of 30 years of technology from every resource at the Gap's disposal. "Fleece" will change the way people look at sweatshirts, and for good reason. It's made unlike any sweatshirt ever was before. It'll keep you warmer, it's ecologically more friendly, more durable, etc.

For reasons beyond Gap's control, fleece production gets pushed back, pending some technical approvals - but because the Gap has no sweatshirt product on the market, they decide to change the thread they were sewing together their sweatshirts with to a different, stronger thread - and they soft-release the newly threaded sweatshirts. As "fleece."

Several months later, The Gap gets technical approval and launches a major campaign: "FLEECE!" And - oh yeah - if you are REALLY big (XXXL and larger) "Fleece" is called "Custom Fleece!" They'll sew it together any shape you want it. And it'll be a heck of a lot more expensive than fleece - and not nearly as warm or durable - because it is still, in fact, a sweatshirt. Just with new thread.

As a Gap customer, are you like "What the FUCK is going on over at the Gap?"

Just curious.

Hypothetically.

3 comments:

J_Fox said...

This story sounds awfully familiar. Altough it'll confuse the rot out of everyone else who reads it.

Make the logo bigger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Make the logo bigger said...

My rot’s intact mister. But I bet Gap is scratching their heads wondering why the fuck they ever spun off Old Navy to sell, well, basically, cheaper Gap, which is now kicking their ass.