Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Do they know they're annoying?

While I refuse to drag this blog into the trivial bickering of politics (I have plenty of trivial ground to cover and politics is really more than I can stomach right now) I gotta ask:

Do politicians KNOW how annoying they are?

Does Hilary get home after a long day of long-winded blathering, turn on the TV and mutter: "Oh, JESUS. Listen to me. UGH." ?

Does GWB rewind his Tevo so he can hear himself mispronounce words and think: I'm an idiot up there sometimes. ?

I have a theory. Politicians are intentionally annoying. They practice in the mirror and then they present themselves as annoyingly as possible in the hopes that we will just turn off the TV, and say, "I don't care who wins. Clearly they are all a bunch of assholes." And then those people will leave the voting up to people who will base their decision on the party with the animal that most closely mirrors their body type. Balding Big-nosed fatsoes vs. stubborn asses with big teeth and long hair.

Oh yes I did.

Or maybe they say "I have listened to as much of these idiots as I can tolerate. I'm MUTING the TV and I'm going to vote based on whoever's face I trust more." Surely this can't be the case. GWB would not survive the mute election - the press has a field day trying to capture the bewilderment on his face. It's unfortunate. I know George W. Bush is smarter than the press makes him out to be. He's a shitty public speaker, granted, but he's not stupid.

We need a Hal Riney candidate. Someone who can not only offer us the words we want to hear, but who pronounces them with the kind of sensitivity and cadence that makes us want to listen. Hilary Clinton has never read a poem in her life. Bill Clinton sure as fuck has. I miss Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton made speeches that sounded like he meant something, was doing something, understood what he was talking about.

Hilary sounds like my wife when she's trying to get the dog to quit fucking around in the rain and take a shit already. "GET IN HERE", she bellows in her deepest voice, chin tucked, glaring from beneath her eyebrows, hoping for respect our dog typically reserves for the Alphadog (me).

HILARY: (in her respect-the-AlphaDog voice) GET THOSE TROOPS OUT OF IRAQ.

I would vote for Hilary Clinton tomorrow if she sounded like Angie Harmon.


Irene Done said...

No, they don't know they're annoying because the same outsized ego that motivates candidates to run for office blinds them to their own foibles.

But ever notice that southerners often make the best public speakers? (I'm saying that as someone who is orginally from the great but nasally midwest). But Bill Clinton? Ann Richards? Without their southern-ness, it's just hard to imagine them being half as good in front of a crowd. (GWB was not born in Texas -- maybe that's why he doesn't hold up.)

James-H said...

That's true. I think a British accent could really kill, here. German, not so much. Sorry, Arnold.

Make the logo bigger said...

Angie Harmon. There's something to be said for a husky whisper.

Political speaking is weird. You either get let 'er rip Dean or some Robert Dole animatronic who talks in slow motion. As if they're trying to live up to this fictional ideal of what a speech should sound like.

But who are they speaking to, that’s the thing. In a heartbeat I would fucking vote for the first person that talked to me like we were out having a beer.

Gimmee Fred Thompson.

As for the rest of them, I don't know that it’s a concerted effort on their part to try and be annoying, moreso it seems to me that all their answers to questions, all their speechs, are so full of measured words. As if they know each word must appeal to every special interest group.


Bush tends to speak more off the cuff but the Yale education apparently didn't rot from the head there. You can see him think about what he wants to say, but his words are like the sick kid watching all his friends outside playing, knowing he can't join them.

Clinton was just Mr. Smooth. Even though he threw them under the bus, Dick Morris, their campaign guy had an interesting take on him. Because Clinton was apparently raised by women and an alcoholic at some point, it developed his ability to be empathetic, almost appease. That then translated to him always being able to 'feel your pain’ and connect with people.

Of course, his moral compass was fucking shot, but hey, there were some women who apparenty dug that about him.

Jetpacks said...

That's why Ross Perot struck such a chord - he wasn't a bullshitter and people believed he was a regular guy, albeit a regular guy with a lot of money.

While I likely won't vote for him, Obama has found the resonance button that works for commoners like me. While his words are measured, there is a tone there that is believable. The amazing turnout wherever he goes suggests an almost RFK-like groundswell of support.

Hillary (and James Carville) are shitting their pants.

"Find some dirt on that son of a bitch and find it NOW!"

James-H said...

You raise a good point about Ross Perot. The man was a good business man. Why? Because he didn't talk down to people, (and when he did, he did it with pie charts and an affable smile on his face) Whatever it was - he could SELL.

GWB: not nearly as successful as a businessman–probably in part because he can't quite fit the words together in a way that makes you believe he knows what he's talking about.

I think he's genuine. And I think that came across better when he was campaigning in '00 (and he was just the cloudburst after a long Republican drought). People wanted to believe him. And I think that's what Obama has going for him. His speeches are not all that remarkable. his ideas, not all that inspiring. But his appeal is visceral. He SEEMS to be the Democratic answer because he feels a little less like a politician: Young, thin, diverse in a non-threatening Tiger-Woods kind of way. I think a better-funded Richardson would be the real candidate to reckon with - but Obama's Woods-like gallery is daunting. And I think Obama is able to perform in front of that gallery - USE it like Tiger does.

I think Hilary spends too much time driving, and not enough time putting.

Jetpacks said...

Hey, James:

I'll be in the Big D (Addison) next week (Mon-Wed) literally across the street from your hot agency. Hot...ZING!

If you want to get together over some burritos and Coronas, shoot me an email at jetpacks (at) gmail (dot) com.

Then again, if you're like Copyranter and hate advertising people and bloggy 2.0 meetups, fully understood.