Friday, October 26, 2007

Itchy Stocking Stuffer


If you are on top of it (and I know some of you are) then you may well be doing your Christmas shopping by now. My wife is. In fact, evidently my present is going to kick ass and for the first time since I've known her, she's not going to tell me what it is until I open it Christmas Day. Which is pretty cool and utterly infuriating.

Moving on...

If you are like me and my extended family, December brings with it: itchies! Dang those itchies! Flakies! Crispies! When I was a kid my mother slathered me in something called Eucerin (which I can't spell, but the smell of it still brings back the sensation of my thighs being glued to the inside of my pant legs on chilly mornings at the bus stop.)

Fucking agony.

Well, my sister has made it her personal mission to do battle with the body salves of the world and is unveiling a line of skin products for children that don't smell like medical supplies. Nor do they use a whole bunch of chemicals. Nor nut-derived allergians.

What is it, you ask, rubbing your chapped hands together with glee?

Stuff for Sprouts.

This stuff is actually pretty great. Lemon lotion for mere flakiness. Blueberry Muffin cream for extra-crispy children and adults. Peanut Butter and Jelly lipstuff that you can spread, cheek to cheek, from your septum (under your nose there) to your chin with a single swipe.

Kris made 'em for her kids - terribly damaged as they were by the harsh water in too-close-to-Delaware PA. But my wife swears by them for her arms, legs and feet.

And you will too.

And no, I don't make a single penny on her selling them.
And yes, I helped with the package design.
And no, I can not be held liable if someone tries to eat your arm in the elevator after you try one of these kick-ass moisturizers. That my sister invented in her kitchen. In between raising her children and working a pretty-much full time marketing job.

Tell your friends.

3 comments:

Thinking In Vain said...

Butter and Jelly lipstuff that you can spread, cheek to cheek, from your septum (under your nose there) to your chin with a single swipe.

Oh, if I had only had that when I was little. Every school picture taken before that age of 8 has me with the most horrendous chapped lips.

Make the logo bigger said...

Okay, but does she have anything for the broken skin on your neck caused by the jacket zipper your mom used to do up too quickly?

STILL have memories.


“Nothing gross. Nothing weird.”

I think this is a tag all of America can get behind actually!

Moda di Magno said...

I'm looking forward to being less crispy this winter.