Friday, January 19, 2007

Doing the math

If every bike-rider in china switches over to a car,
how soon will China outpace the U.S. as the world's worst polluter?

If every rice-eating chinese person switches over to McDonalds,
how soon will China outpace the U.S. as the world's fattest country?

If China outpaces the U.S. in pollution and fatness,
how soon will the chinese be outsourcing assembly jobs to the U.S. ?

long live the lazy gene


You know the new Old Spice commercial where Bruce Campbell refers to it, over and over? My "it" is a casual day in the edit suite, sipping Snapples and giggling over American Idol with my producer/ECD/ex-copywriter/editor/editor's assistant.

I could always have MORE of it.
I certainly don't want LESS of it.
Etc.

(Kudos to Weiden, and to American Copywriter for all the blog/press they've given it - that campaign is cultural currency in all its glory. another page of the ManLaw bible, maybe, but fucking FUNNY.)

But back to my catered, cozy black leather couch in a dark room with nary a suit in sight.

Oh I was working, dammit. But it's just so pleasant to work in a room full of TVs, some of which may or may not be equipped with satellite cable. I have a lazy gene and it sure likes to go for a spin.

Of course it all screeched to a halt when I was torn from my reverie to negotiate stock photography for 3 hours straight.

Agony.

Why is it that, as painful as stock photography is to look at, it's 3 times as painful to use? Isn't that sort of the idea? Pictures of India without the runs, etc? So why am I getting a full colonoscopy in exchange for 4 pictures of kids eating sand and poking fish with sticks?

By the way, after laying down one hell of a buttery scratch track, I officially have a two-spot voiceover reel. Call me Riney Jr. (RJR?) If you need supa-smooth snark or wisecracking faux-New Yorker, I'm your guy.

Witness:

I'm the one who isn't old and gravely sounding.

Hell yeah - the sooner I can do voiceovers full time, the sooner I can open a Sammy's Barbecue three blocks over.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Have I mentioned people are idiots?

Why yes. Yes I have.

I suppose it bears repeating when I see stuff like this going on.

The "Insult to injury" tax.
Like paying a fine for "polluting" in addition of the ticket for urinating in public.
Or the IRS conducting an audit on a man who has been extorted.

It's an idiot tax, really. And if we had more of them, this government could see your war and raise you a military action.

I think the government should get a cafe press account. Dude! Do you know how much money you could get selling "Reagan T-shirts" alone? Even well-respected idiots are worth an ironic buck or two.

Think about what politics has done for the bumper sticker industry. We're a frigging bumper sticker democracy. Nobody votes anymore. They just put a witty world-view on their bumper and the poor bastard they just cut off knows how they'd vote if they had opposable thumbs, a greencard, and a home address on record.

At least the smart people are losing money.

Adweek DOES have a sense of humor

Laughed out loud when I read this headline:



Torturous for whom? The advertising media? People who read the advertising Media? DraftFCB?
Martin must be more than a little miffed to play runner-up to a spackled together Directvertising agency.
That is if they weren't cracking open a couple hundred bottles of responsibly-priced sparkling wine right about now.

This article is the equivalent of the OJ acquittal. Now what will we snark about? Can one snark? Is snark a verb?